where the heart is.

Ben and I returned this week from a whirlwind trip north.  We traveled over 3,000 miles, through ten states and two time zones, reuniting with many dear family and friends.  It was exhilarating and exhausting.  About half-way through our journey, we looked at each other and said we’re never doing this again.  We over-extended ourselves, trying to do too much, forgetting to allot some time for rest and for the two of us.  Lesson learned.

It was a comfort to be reunited with some of my dearest ones, those that know me best.  There is something so incredibly wonderful about time spent with friends of the heart, kindred spirits.  I’m so thankful for you all – you make this life so much richer.

And I saw, touched and tasted SNOW.  It was rejuvenating.  Probably more than it should have been.  But I absolutely loved it.

And, of course, this trip included some quality time with my ever-adorable nephew, Joshua.  This child amazes me – his joy is contagious and his curiosity inspiring.  This trip marked Uncle Ben’s first meeting with Joshua – and they were fast friends.  I sense some mischief in the years to come…

uncle ben & j-man.

After time in New York and Pittsburgh, we hopped a plane to Baltimore to see some of Ben’s family.  Our 48 hours in Baltimore included a tour of the U.S. Naval Academy – or as Ben referred to it, “the Motherland”.  A few of our friends have come through the Academy, and it was interesting to understand the world they came from a bit better.  Ben and I are now filled with all sorts of trivia and facts about the Academy – we’d be glad to dazzle you with our knowledge over dinner.

And here we are, back in Pensacola.  We’ve settled back in to our schedules and routines here quickly.  Christmas feels like months ago.  And I’m struggling to remember to write “2012″ on things.

What a year this will be.  I have no idea what to expect about our circumstances, our location…anything, really.  I’m just thankful to be living life alongside someone who I admire more than anything.  That’s all that really matters, right?

Cheers, friends.  Happy 2012.

growing pains.

It is always humbling – and, at times, humiliating – to be reminded of our limits as individuals.  Last week, I was forced to acknowledge and accept the fact that I am no longer the spry, athletic teenager I once was.  I don’t consider myself old, as I sit here basking in the glow of my latter twenties.  But as I lay in such extreme and excruciating pain last week, I don’t really consider myself young, either.

The cause of the muscle strain was simple: I tried to push myself during my workouts and upped my weight for a specific move.  And that one change was enough to strain my lower back muscles and make any form of movement pretty unbearable – until a visit to the doctor and some powerful painkillers.  The doctor’s advice to me after we talked about the injury, ran some tests and talked about how to move forward was simple: don’t push it too much anymore.  I knew this would be what he would tell me – I’ve seen my share of athletic-induced injuries and pain.  But I hated that he was basically telling me I was getting old.  Way to make a girl feel good about herself, Doc.

I’m thankful to report I’m on the mend.  I’ve taken it easy this week, substituting my normal exercise routine with lots of stretching.  I’m learning to accept my limits, what I can control and what I can change.

On another note, I’m happy to report that Ben and I will be traveling north for the holidays this year.  We are looking forward to reuniting with family and friends – it’s been about a year and a half since I’ve been home.  The trip will be a whirlwind – we’ll be covering a lot of ground in a relatively short amount of time.

I’ve really missed Pittsburgh and New York; both will always continue to be “home” to me.  In some ways, I’m nervous about the trip and how I’ll hold up.  It’s going to be hard to return, to see that my place there no longer exists, that so much has changed.  It was such a struggle to leave, to say goodbye to dear friends whose calls no longer come.  I knew relationships would fade as time and distance grew, but it’s still been a difficult thing to accept.  Even though these thoughts exist, I’m excited to reunite with old friends who have withstood the separation and visit some of my favorite places.  It will be a comfort to be back.

Now home is where the Navy sends me (and Ben).  And for now, it comes complete with white sand beaches and plentiful sunshine.

thanksgiving redux.

I never was able to finish fixing my hair or put on my make-up.  But none of that seemed to matter once we were gathered around the table about to enjoy the feast that had been prepared.  Ben and I spent Thanksgiving in Pensacola with friends who have become like family.  It was a labor of love to prepare to prepare the meal (this girl may have fallen asleep at 7 p.m. Friday night…), but it was worth every tablespoon measured and potato peeled.

As is to be expected, I’ve been ever-so mindful of the myriad of things I have to be thankful for this past month.  With the most wonderful time of the year upon us, I am so deeply grateful for the life I live and those who share it with me.  I’m looking forward to Christmas and the opportunity to travel to see family and friends – and hopefully some snow!

if this is love.

Teach me to love generously and to find infinite joy in sharing.  Enable me to bring out the best in others and to project my love into the world.  ~ Prayer to St. Valentine

It’s been awhile since I’ve blazed through a book in one sitting.  On a recent outing, I picked a new memoir, How to Love an American Man.  At first glance, I figured I’d skim the back cover and move on to the next book.  Despite what the title may lead to you believe, this was not a self-help or how-to book.  As I flipped through, I was intrigued.  The book came home with me.  Once I settled in, I was captivated.  For me, it’s one of those books that articulates things that I have struggled to say with clarity, it feels as if I’m speaking/listening to a friend.  It came at the perfect time, really.

Much of the story focuses on the relationship between the author and her grandmother and the wit and wisdom that is shared between them.  Of course, it led me to think of my own grandmothers and the great memories we have shared.  I shared the first 13 years of my life with my mother’s mother.  She was exceptionally intelligent, a woman of quiet strength and courage.  She radiated grace, joy and elegant beauty.  And she understood and appreciated my quirky humor – I can still hear her laugh.

I am blessed to still enjoy the company of my father’s mother.  She and I share a love of feeding people and preserving memories with photographs.  She is a woman of independence and strength, always armed with a good story and ready for a laugh.  In a seemingly serendipitous way, I picked up this novel one day prior to her suffering a stroke.  With such events, we are often led to reflect on our memories with our loved ones and hope that there will be more to share.  It has been a struggle to be so far away from my family and friends, especially during a time like this.  I wish to be an encourager, a support, armed with baked goods and dinners, tissues, flowers and hugs.  But that’s hard to do when I’m 1200 miles away.  The future is uncertain.  (As always, right?)

There’s always a silver lining.  And today, it’s this: I think I’ve finally given up the battle of fighting my circumstances.  It’s been a long time coming, but after 13 months in Pensacola, I’m not fighting it anymore.  This line from the book struck a chord with me: “Maybe the secret to fulfillment is to stop wondering what we’re lacking; to stop seeking love and instead to start accepting ourselves and loving the people we encounter.”  That line shouted to me.  Yes, yes, yes.  This is what my mind kept repeating for all these months, but my heart resisted.  There is so much in life that is out of our control.  And that’s a hard thing to accept.

My life is truly blessed, fulfilled.  Every need is met, along with most wants and desires, too.   And I am so very thankful.  There is much to be learned from those that share this world with us, whether it be our grandmothers, neighbors or friends.

the honeymooners.

Here it is, friends…the honeymoon recap.  Pour yourself a pina colada and enjoy!

Morale was low when we returned home from Chicago.  We kept our bags packed in hopes that we would be able to salvage our honeymoon.  And thanks to our amazing travel agent on base, we did.  We spent 4 hours with her securing a room and airfare – thanks to Hurricane Irene, travel plans were an absolute mess.  We were able to depart early the next morning.  Off to Jamaica we went.

Ben and I arrived exhausted (and I was sick).  But we didn’t care.  We were out of Pensacola – together! – on our honeymoon.  The rest didn’t matter.  We settled in to our villa and enjoyed a week of pampering and delight.  Our days were relaxing and spontaneous – it was liberating to not have to follow a schedule for awhile.  We spent most of our time relaxing on the beach or by the pool, sipping on tasty drinks and soaking up the sun.  Our splurge of the week was a couples massage – I’ve never really been that interested in getting a massage (mostly because I’m so ticklish) – but it was a divine experience.  I see some more spa appointments in my future.  We snorkeled in the Caribbean (there were lots of little Dory fish near the reef), played some volleyball, and spent time with new friends.  It might sound a bit lackluster, but we really enjoyed just relaxing, spending time together and being somewhere new.

I’m glad we were able to make it happen.  The trip really came at a perfect time.  Neither Ben nor I hold a “woe is me” point of view, but we were pretty down two weeks ago, before this all came together.  This trip was a sort of turning point for us, symbolizing the end of a difficult chapter and hope for the new one.  It’s hard to believe our first year of marriage is almost behind us.  We look forward to the years ahead and the adventures we will share together.  Now it’s back to training for Ben and back to the real world for me…

Jamaica, you were wonderful.  Thank you for rejuvenating us and introducing us to rum we actually enjoy.

crushed.

And just like that, our honeymoon is gone.  Or at least postponed.  I am so incredibly crushed right now.  We were both so excited to finally have some time together, away from the hardship and stress.  And now we’re headed back to Pensacola, where my black cloud resides.

Long story short:  our resort sustained enough damage during the hurricane that they would not accept new guests for several days.  We were able to secure a room with the same chain in Antigua for the week, but we could not travel back to Pensacola by the date we needed to.  Given that Ben’s vacation time is so rigid and hard to come by, we were stuck with a hard decision: either cut the trip 3 days short and add an extremely hefty airline ticket or go home.  So we’re going home.  I spent 2 hours and 56 minutes (between holding and actually talking) with the most compassionate customer service agent I have ever worked with in my life trying to figure out flights and alternate options.  She made the brutal afternoon a little more tolerable.  But we just couldn’t make anything work.

When we’re able, we’ll do our honeymoon right.  I guess this is just another reminder that life is full of unexpected (and some unwelcome) surprises.  I mourn the loss for now…this is just so incredibly depressing.

come on, pretty mama.

I’ve started packing my bags…for our HONEYMOON!  It might be 10 months belated, but I think it’s coming at the perfect time.  Ben is wrapping up a stage of training this week and was granted leave before he begins the next stage, so we are taking advantage of the opportunity to go on a little adventure.  We’ve put the whole thing together in less than 2 weeks…having to get expedited passports and all.  I’m so glad that everything is coming together.  All that’s left is for us to pack our bags and get on the plane.

We’ll start off with a quick trip to Chicago to see Ben’s sister graduate from boot camp (she enlisted in the Navy this spring).  Then we’ll be off to the Bahamas for 8 days of bliss.  We’re both looking forward to getting away and reconnecting.  It’s a long year, full of many challenges, and we both hope that this trip will help us to recover, recharge, and rejuvenate as we approach the one-year mark.

Woohoo!  I can hardly wait.

be seeing you.

I hate saying goodbye to the people I love.  I’ve had a heavy feeling this week because I knew I’d be saying goodbye to a dear friend this morning.  She was the first close girlfriend I’ve encountered here in Pensacola…one who things clicked with naturally, a kindred spirit.  Our friendship was effortless.  I was so thankful to have someone who understood what it’s like to be in love with a military man and the hardship this life brings.  And now I’ve shipped her back to Minnesota so she can finish grad school and save the world.  I miss her already.

I’ve been the owner of a lonely heart during my most of my days in Pensacola.  As with all moves and transitions, some relationships have faded as our face-to-face interactions have dwindled since I am hundreds of miles away from many people that I love.  But thankfully, there are also the precious few whose strength and resilience has astounded me.  Perhaps some people are only brought into our lives for a season.  But I can’t help but miss old friends and the comfort and love I experienced in those relationships.

I don’t regret the life I’ve chosen or the moves I’ve made.  I am so thankful to be married to a man I love, admire and respect.  I strive to support him in every way I can, to pursue this dream alongside him.  But it has been so incredibly hard to be away from the friends and family who have greatly enriched my life.  It is daunting to realize how many miles are between me and the safe places I want to run to on those dark days.  I’m still trying to cultivate those safe places in Pensacola.  It hasn’t come easy.

Of course, mornings like this one are a reminder that goodbyes are an inherent part of Navy life.  Between duty station transfers and deployments, I’ll be saying more goodbyes than I’d like.  Hopefully a fair number of reunions will be mixed in as well.  Life is made sweeter by good company.

Alright.  Time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and get on with this day.

 

table for two.

This is my invariable advice to people: learn to cook – try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all, have fun!  ~ Julia Child

While the idea of working through The Art of French Cooking in a year seems adventurous, it is equally (if not more s0) daunting.  Stuck in a food rut, Ben and I decided to take what we considered to be a more realistic approach: try at least one new recipe a week.  We’ve been doing this for several weeks now – and we’ve found some keepers.

Our favorite meal so far was a trio of Mexican-inspired selections: homemade salsa (our new addiction), chicken empanadas, and a fantastic black bean salad.  This salad was so fresh, so colorful, and simply delicious!  I made a few modifications, as I do with most recipes – they’re just a framework, right?

Tonight’s attempt is more a modification on a classic than a truly new meal.  We’ll be having homemade pizza – with pesto, fresh mozzarella and tomato.  I love making homemade pizza…kneading dough is oddly therapeutic.

I’ll try to be a better blogger and share some of our discoveries with ya’ll.  Be sure to pass along any favorites or recommendations you might have – we’re looking for ideas!

yes.

There are few moments in life that are truly pivotal, events that mark great change simply by their existence.  One year ago today, I embraced such change by saying yes to a man who was down on his knee, asking for my forever.  Our days since have been filled with much joy – and a fair share of heartbreak.  Although our “newlywed” phase has been slightly unconventional (check out the Holmes & Rahe stress scale - our score is over 500…which is really, really high), we have grown stronger as we survived the challenges that were presented to us.

I’ve learned a lot in our 8+ months of marriage.  I’ve been reminded that love is a choice, that love can conquer all difficulty.  With each day that passes, I grow to be more aware and more thankful for the many blessings that Ben has brought to my life.  He knows me better than anyone – and he chooses to love me despite my difficult moments and stubbornness.

I am so thankful that I married my best friend, a man I am proud of, a man I respect.  I consider it an honor and a privilege to stand beside him and support him everyday.  Our life is made sweeter by our dear friends and family, especially those who have offered encouragement in our times of need.

Here’s to many months and years ahead, filled with love and laughter.